a dusty spectacle

I guess I'm posting it here for posterity or something? so.. yeah. Copy pasting my note from AO3:

This was supposed to be the intro for a longer fic, but I realized I have no clue what to actually write next. I liked how this turned out though, so I'm posting it. I might add chapters if the fanfic muses grant me an epiphany, and I hope they do grant me an epiphany, but I'm probably waaay down on their waiting list.

Read it on AO3 here.

Mihashi was walking towards him, each step increasing his frustration towards the crutch, and every inch covered as the distance between them grew shorter his anger towards himself intensified. "Your leg—"

"I'll.. I'll work hard, so.. rely on me, Abe-kun!" Mihashi's words filled him, and regret surged inside. If only he wasn't so caught up with the past, then maybe things would have turned out different, he thought. If only he were a bit more patient with Mihashi. If only—

It was painful, even more so than the sprain in his leg. Mihashi looked composed, detached even. But when their eyes met, he broke down, tears falling to his cheeks. "We lost..." Mihashi said. He's seen him cry before, but this one hurt, like every part of his body was being torn apart.. burning, burning in a fire fueled by shame and guilt. He didn't know what to do. He had to do something, say something—

He smiled. Mihashi smiled. It was the first time he's ever seen it, and it made him sad. After all this time, he's only seeing it now, and he realized it was his fault. He remembered all the times he shouted at him. He wanted to see it again. He wanted to see it often, to see Mihashi smile because of him. He wanted to—

His arm was wrapped around Mihashi's neck and rested on his shoulders, their foreheads touching. What a meaningless gesture, he thought. It was the closest he's ever been to him; he could feel Mihashi's body shake; he could feel his breath touch his skin. Mihashi's tear-stricken face filled his vision while his quiet sobs filled his ears, reminding him of his carelessness. Don't cry, Mihashi, please don't cry.. I'm sorry.. Seeing you like this.. It was my fault, I'm sorry please stop crying it hurts it hurts it hurts—

Abe opened his eyes and woke. It was the middle of the night, not a sound to be heard except for a slight breeze and the rustling of the trees outside his bedroom window. He stared at the ceiling, trying to slow his breath. His eyes were wet, and he could feel the streaks left by his tears on his face.

A few hours later he succeeded on going back to sleep, if only fitfully. The nightmare was still waiting for him.